The Igbo vs Yoruba Driver Logues

Ah Daddy, walahi talahi sumabilahi ko si change lowo mi, fill tank ni mo lo ra...epo ti won ni...e mo las week sisty fife naira a leeta ni, o ti di sefintee fife ni dis week...so fool tank yen wa je tree kwotaMola to je president wa naa lo fa...e mo awon mola won man kan kan...

Ah Oga mi, onigbagbo jesu ni mi, mi o de le puro, walahi, ni Tota awolowo road, won tin sift pump...because o wa onbeliefabu dat I queue up for fool tank and is tree kwota tank i leaf wit...

Oga, the fwhale wey you sey meyk a buy, as I reash petrol station, na in plenty queu dey, so i con giv the attendant,500, give the boy wey dey sale 200, and the gateman 100 so na only fwhale of tray five wey i buy so the fwhale no too move from raysav...i know you give me 5k, the change wey raymain as i dey con back, the light for car talk sey no ingin oyel, so i branch for mobil buy am...

Sah, i don dey talk am say make we no dey buy fwhale for AP or Tezaco, aygane, e bi like sey den dey ajust their pump...you remeba last week wey you say make i buy petrol, i buy the complete 5k and the fwhale no even too much move from raysav...

The tejuosho stall owner logues

Baybee, baybee con na, na marrey I wan marrey i no wan boyfriend you..sweet baybee...

madam con na, con check am out, na 100 pasent Italy, no be China, real cotten products...

check out Uche's shop na, for your cortane material, bedshit, pillocase...100 pasent made in China, cheap and affodayble

Chei, Chineke, see how God design pesin, as I see you baybee, my heart just run commot my chest say meyk im chase you...hei, sweet asamwa...

Lepa con na, con may i toast you, con now...ahn ahn you dey form see in leg wey resemble chicken...hahaha...asay meyk you con may i change youare life...as you tin so you fit see man like you...terin gbay ku...

ahn ahn you dey pull youare sket you fo no wear mini con makate if you no wan make hand enta the sket na...ashawo...akuna...

Uche you dey crase, you no see say na my customa bi dat...abeg puo ebah osiso tutu mu wa ga n'ewi iwe onye nzu zu...

Amaka baybee, youare yash don dey round...wetin youare mama dey give you chop...mama amaka, d garre wey you dey seel amaka don dey steal am...anyway no need to ponish am, na because of me, in no say i wan marre am na why in go grow small yash d way i like am...mwah amaka...mama amaka we don...le ofuma...

The Taxi driver and the bread hawker

Wo oni buredi wa wa wa, mu oni 50 naira wa...

e ma binu ko si oni sisty nikan lowa...

ole ni e ole olosha...kekere yin na ni sisty, ole,,oye kin gba e loju...

baba teba ma ra bread ni ke so, te ba ni ra e je ki n ma lo, mo ni mo lonifitynaira...be se dagb te ni moto e le ra buredi...agbaya, e ba gba oju naa mo je gegebu punshing bag abi...wo ma da seria fun yin teba don wo...infight mo ta mo fun...

ko le dafun e omo buruku ni e..onilakaiye, o de gbon, i ti binu i fe ma lo, o ta mo, ma ta ode, boya emi ni ma wa garri mu lale yi...omo ake, omoranu...

e ese a wa garri mu, o betta pe kani moto kama ni epo kama ni fity naira, mo si mo pe akuse lawa bai, oloun ma se temi be lai lai, iyawo to fee yin ni amumora, to ba je emi ni, ma ti fi akuse ara sile...oloshi baba agbaya ole...woooooooooooooo...akuse...on ti bata o loun ti moto...

The plumber's logue

E wo mummy, mo so fun yin, water pomp- 30,000, mo le puro now

piping- 10 tousan, tap fitten, 20,000...mo le puro...te ba de orile be na le ma ri...mo ti e di less fun yin tori awon costoma mi ni won ni shob yen...

mummy: mo ti lo si orile, water pomp, 15, piping ko ye ko ju 5, tap, 8000...ibo le ti quote awon prices yin?ki se orile kan naa

ahn mummy mo like bi e se se yen, awon proze tan fun yin yen, made in shyno ni yen, awon eleyin made in jamney, wo wa fery doorabu, ahn ahn shyna awon shynese ahn ahn ko le las yin ni 2 weeks... e bi daddy sebi emi ni mo supply fun ile ni Sumbo Jibowu...mo sheat eyan, oluonmaje...igba ti mi n se yibo...

mummy: Jamiu, prices ti mo quote ni si is made in Germany products as well, mo ti ma n so fun e, mama puro fun mi ko da..o le puro fun daddy ko ma find out but I will...

ehn ok mummy igba te ti ka mi beyen, e je ka deescuz owo ise...fun gbo gbo feetins, gbo gbo testing, e mu feefteen k wa...ise na will be read lates by tomorrow...ti a be se tan ni tomorro yen, latest nest week, a ti pari o depend lori owo ise...

Driver's Textlogues

Segilola i haf message for you i, am down stear, i am watin for you

Segilola, good morring madam said she left it to you. thank I am down step...

Good day ma, I am sorry for the great mistake I make yesterday in the working hour pls ma forgive and I' want you to forget and I am promise you that kind of thing it won happen again. pls ma let this be first and last. I am begging you in the name of Jesus. it we never happen again ma. and you are my last hope. God bless you and your family. thank you and have a wonderful wekkend...

Question? you followed daddy to the party, how was it?
Answer: parti ow, no shayo, no drink, troat just dry(this is after being given and downing in one go a half bottle of Hennessey)

Inspired by Pesh's monologues

Question: What's your name??
Pesh: Peshon

Flala let me cut the paytato into chicks...let we eat chicks and chicken

Let me on the generator...only haf kek petrol...it will do us till night.

you say let me cut onions, cutting tomato and cutting pepe, no tatashe...

what we are cooking today...there's only graning pepe no cutting pepe

Question: Is there mayonnaise
Pesh: I don gnaw...there's no mayonese..
Question: ahn ahn there's no mayonnaise...BAMA
Pesh: O there's Bama no mayonese...

Question: Is Ibrahim your boyfriend?
Pesh: Pls don ever never in the name of God call Ibrahim my boyfriend.

Why that gel come here? ok shis his gelfrend...(answer=NO)...ehn shis not his gelfrend...he not even want to frend ha...he just use and dump ha...eya...

Question: who is this boy?
Pesh: YOUR GUY