Hei mehn, wenna arrife in UK i we fost call mama sufi to tell ham dat emi o, Moruf Oladimeji Bello ti di kini,ti di ero UK,a de ma se big time ni Peckham...
Mo se se de lati Uk ni, mo lo on a shopping spreed...ah te ba ri bag DicKNeeY ti mo ra very nize...very clazzic...
Chineke, Huston be like paradise,gbam... I see toooo mayknee faces...Ndubuisi, ndigbo wan,his house e be like palace, and Ezeego, chief naon,you know him, his car, my God be like aeloplane...if you see their wife,na so so Chanel dem dey wear with louis nwavitton...
Oh herlow, I'm arlright, I jurst gert berck from Lorndon yesterday...it wars really nize, and irts furnny I carnt even speak yoruba anymore, oh I staryed around west norwood so there were alot of naijar pirple burt we ornly speaked english you know...oh you're coming over,that's nize innit...
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Various clerks logues...
A. Hello babe I will like to knw more abt u...i like ur pic u luk so gorgeous
and nice.where r u frm?i wish to knw u.hope u r not disturb sexy.let me
hear frm u.thanks
B. Am harry by name,just true with ur profile, am an engineer in an internet service provider company in nigeria...i'll like to known you more better than this if you dont mind and i'll be glad if u can add me on your list ..if.. u dont mind this my contact phone number +2348030834523 harry..waiting to hear from you..
C. Nice pic with a gud posture u gat .really u look maginificent even without bn told i guess u know.it will be nice if we both get hook up on net,that is if u're down with it.mosco@yahoo.com my personal mail.the latter is my yahoo id.do ve a gud noon.hey,the name is ayowale elliot...
D. Hi baby am happy 2 hav u as my friend, can we share dat ur beautiful smile 2gether? I luv u
E. Hello Sexy,
Wow! U look like a customized oven baked bread built for my taste alone, Your skin so fresh like a new born baby, Your eyeballs so sexy and fascinating, Shinny eyebalss you got, Your Denttition so white and pure by the way what kind of toothpaste do you use? Your lips so soft like they have never been kissed before. Well would not mind to roll with a Pretty Queen like you though am not perfect but could be the BEST you ever wanted. I wish you find my letter interesting babe.. So if you do, Hit me up on on IM at john.turner at yahoo dot com
Would be glad to read from you as soon as possible,
Cares a great deal
and nice.where r u frm?i wish to knw u.hope u r not disturb sexy.let me
hear frm u.thanks
B. Am harry by name,just true with ur profile, am an engineer in an internet service provider company in nigeria...i'll like to known you more better than this if you dont mind and i'll be glad if u can add me on your list ..if.. u dont mind this my contact phone number +2348030834523 harry..waiting to hear from you..
C. Nice pic with a gud posture u gat .really u look maginificent even without bn told i guess u know.it will be nice if we both get hook up on net,that is if u're down with it.mosco@yahoo.com my personal mail.the latter is my yahoo id.do ve a gud noon.hey,the name is ayowale elliot...
D. Hi baby am happy 2 hav u as my friend, can we share dat ur beautiful smile 2gether? I luv u
E. Hello Sexy,
Wow! U look like a customized oven baked bread built for my taste alone, Your skin so fresh like a new born baby, Your eyeballs so sexy and fascinating, Shinny eyebalss you got, Your Denttition so white and pure by the way what kind of toothpaste do you use? Your lips so soft like they have never been kissed before. Well would not mind to roll with a Pretty Queen like you though am not perfect but could be the BEST you ever wanted. I wish you find my letter interesting babe.. So if you do, Hit me up on on IM at john.turner at yahoo dot com
Would be glad to read from you as soon as possible,
Cares a great deal
Monday, 19 October 2009
The Igbo vs Yoruba Driver Logues
Ah Daddy, walahi talahi sumabilahi ko si change lowo mi, fill tank ni mo lo ra...epo ti won ni...e mo las week sisty fife naira a leeta ni, o ti di sefintee fife ni dis week...so fool tank yen wa je tree kwotaMola to je president wa naa lo fa...e mo awon mola won man kan kan...
Ah Oga mi, onigbagbo jesu ni mi, mi o de le puro, walahi, ni Tota awolowo road, won tin sift pump...because o wa onbeliefabu dat I queue up for fool tank and is tree kwota tank i leaf wit...
Oga, the fwhale wey you sey meyk a buy, as I reash petrol station, na in plenty queu dey, so i con giv the attendant,500, give the boy wey dey sale 200, and the gateman 100 so na only fwhale of tray five wey i buy so the fwhale no too move from raysav...i know you give me 5k, the change wey raymain as i dey con back, the light for car talk sey no ingin oyel, so i branch for mobil buy am...
Sah, i don dey talk am say make we no dey buy fwhale for AP or Tezaco, aygane, e bi like sey den dey ajust their pump...you remeba last week wey you say make i buy petrol, i buy the complete 5k and the fwhale no even too much move from raysav...
Ah Oga mi, onigbagbo jesu ni mi, mi o de le puro, walahi, ni Tota awolowo road, won tin sift pump...because o wa onbeliefabu dat I queue up for fool tank and is tree kwota tank i leaf wit...
Oga, the fwhale wey you sey meyk a buy, as I reash petrol station, na in plenty queu dey, so i con giv the attendant,500, give the boy wey dey sale 200, and the gateman 100 so na only fwhale of tray five wey i buy so the fwhale no too move from raysav...i know you give me 5k, the change wey raymain as i dey con back, the light for car talk sey no ingin oyel, so i branch for mobil buy am...
Sah, i don dey talk am say make we no dey buy fwhale for AP or Tezaco, aygane, e bi like sey den dey ajust their pump...you remeba last week wey you say make i buy petrol, i buy the complete 5k and the fwhale no even too much move from raysav...
Thursday, 15 October 2009
The tejuosho stall owner logues
Baybee, baybee con na, na marrey I wan marrey i no wan boyfriend you..sweet baybee...
madam con na, con check am out, na 100 pasent Italy, no be China, real cotten products...
check out Uche's shop na, for your cortane material, bedshit, pillocase...100 pasent made in China, cheap and affodayble
Chei, Chineke, see how God design pesin, as I see you baybee, my heart just run commot my chest say meyk im chase you...hei, sweet asamwa...
Lepa con na, con may i toast you, con now...ahn ahn you dey form see in leg wey resemble chicken...hahaha...asay meyk you con may i change youare life...as you tin so you fit see man like you...terin gbay ku...
ahn ahn you dey pull youare sket you fo no wear mini con makate if you no wan make hand enta the sket na...ashawo...akuna...
Uche you dey crase, you no see say na my customa bi dat...abeg puo ebah osiso tutu mu wa ga n'ewi iwe onye nzu zu...
Amaka baybee, youare yash don dey round...wetin youare mama dey give you chop...mama amaka, d garre wey you dey seel amaka don dey steal am...anyway no need to ponish am, na because of me, in no say i wan marre am na why in go grow small yash d way i like am...mwah amaka...mama amaka we don...le ofuma...
madam con na, con check am out, na 100 pasent Italy, no be China, real cotten products...
check out Uche's shop na, for your cortane material, bedshit, pillocase...100 pasent made in China, cheap and affodayble
Chei, Chineke, see how God design pesin, as I see you baybee, my heart just run commot my chest say meyk im chase you...hei, sweet asamwa...
Lepa con na, con may i toast you, con now...ahn ahn you dey form see in leg wey resemble chicken...hahaha...asay meyk you con may i change youare life...as you tin so you fit see man like you...terin gbay ku...
ahn ahn you dey pull youare sket you fo no wear mini con makate if you no wan make hand enta the sket na...ashawo...akuna...
Uche you dey crase, you no see say na my customa bi dat...abeg puo ebah osiso tutu mu wa ga n'ewi iwe onye nzu zu...
Amaka baybee, youare yash don dey round...wetin youare mama dey give you chop...mama amaka, d garre wey you dey seel amaka don dey steal am...anyway no need to ponish am, na because of me, in no say i wan marre am na why in go grow small yash d way i like am...mwah amaka...mama amaka we don...le ofuma...
The Taxi driver and the bread hawker
Wo oni buredi wa wa wa, mu oni 50 naira wa...
e ma binu ko si oni sisty nikan lowa...
ole ni e ole olosha...kekere yin na ni sisty, ole,,oye kin gba e loju...
baba teba ma ra bread ni ke so, te ba ni ra e je ki n ma lo, mo ni mo lonifitynaira...be se dagb te ni moto e le ra buredi...agbaya, e ba gba oju naa mo je gegebu punshing bag abi...wo ma da seria fun yin teba don wo...infight mo ta mo fun...
ko le dafun e omo buruku ni e..onilakaiye, o de gbon, i ti binu i fe ma lo, o ta mo, ma ta ode, boya emi ni ma wa garri mu lale yi...omo ake, omoranu...
e ese a wa garri mu, o betta pe kani moto kama ni epo kama ni fity naira, mo si mo pe akuse lawa bai, oloun ma se temi be lai lai, iyawo to fee yin ni amumora, to ba je emi ni, ma ti fi akuse ara sile...oloshi baba agbaya ole...woooooooooooooo...akuse...on ti bata o loun ti moto...
e ma binu ko si oni sisty nikan lowa...
ole ni e ole olosha...kekere yin na ni sisty, ole,,oye kin gba e loju...
baba teba ma ra bread ni ke so, te ba ni ra e je ki n ma lo, mo ni mo lonifitynaira...be se dagb te ni moto e le ra buredi...agbaya, e ba gba oju naa mo je gegebu punshing bag abi...wo ma da seria fun yin teba don wo...infight mo ta mo fun...
ko le dafun e omo buruku ni e..onilakaiye, o de gbon, i ti binu i fe ma lo, o ta mo, ma ta ode, boya emi ni ma wa garri mu lale yi...omo ake, omoranu...
e ese a wa garri mu, o betta pe kani moto kama ni epo kama ni fity naira, mo si mo pe akuse lawa bai, oloun ma se temi be lai lai, iyawo to fee yin ni amumora, to ba je emi ni, ma ti fi akuse ara sile...oloshi baba agbaya ole...woooooooooooooo...akuse...on ti bata o loun ti moto...
Monday, 12 October 2009
The plumber's logue
E wo mummy, mo so fun yin, water pomp- 30,000, mo le puro now
piping- 10 tousan, tap fitten, 20,000...mo le puro...te ba de orile be na le ma ri...mo ti e di less fun yin tori awon costoma mi ni won ni shob yen...
mummy: mo ti lo si orile, water pomp, 15, piping ko ye ko ju 5, tap, 8000...ibo le ti quote awon prices yin?ki se orile kan naa
ahn mummy mo like bi e se se yen, awon proze tan fun yin yen, made in shyno ni yen, awon eleyin made in jamney, wo wa fery doorabu, ahn ahn shyna awon shynese ahn ahn ko le las yin ni 2 weeks... e bi daddy sebi emi ni mo supply fun ile ni Sumbo Jibowu...mo sheat eyan, oluonmaje...igba ti mi n se yibo...
mummy: Jamiu, prices ti mo quote ni si is made in Germany products as well, mo ti ma n so fun e, mama puro fun mi ko da..o le puro fun daddy ko ma find out but I will...
ehn ok mummy igba te ti ka mi beyen, e je ka deescuz owo ise...fun gbo gbo feetins, gbo gbo testing, e mu feefteen k wa...ise na will be read lates by tomorrow...ti a be se tan ni tomorro yen, latest nest week, a ti pari o depend lori owo ise...
piping- 10 tousan, tap fitten, 20,000...mo le puro...te ba de orile be na le ma ri...mo ti e di less fun yin tori awon costoma mi ni won ni shob yen...
mummy: mo ti lo si orile, water pomp, 15, piping ko ye ko ju 5, tap, 8000...ibo le ti quote awon prices yin?ki se orile kan naa
ahn mummy mo like bi e se se yen, awon proze tan fun yin yen, made in shyno ni yen, awon eleyin made in jamney, wo wa fery doorabu, ahn ahn shyna awon shynese ahn ahn ko le las yin ni 2 weeks... e bi daddy sebi emi ni mo supply fun ile ni Sumbo Jibowu...mo sheat eyan, oluonmaje...igba ti mi n se yibo...
mummy: Jamiu, prices ti mo quote ni si is made in Germany products as well, mo ti ma n so fun e, mama puro fun mi ko da..o le puro fun daddy ko ma find out but I will...
ehn ok mummy igba te ti ka mi beyen, e je ka deescuz owo ise...fun gbo gbo feetins, gbo gbo testing, e mu feefteen k wa...ise na will be read lates by tomorrow...ti a be se tan ni tomorro yen, latest nest week, a ti pari o depend lori owo ise...
Monday, 5 October 2009
Driver's Textlogues
Segilola i haf message for you i, am down stear, i am watin for you
Segilola, good morring madam said she left it to you. thank I am down step...
Good day ma, I am sorry for the great mistake I make yesterday in the working hour pls ma forgive and I' want you to forget and I am promise you that kind of thing it won happen again. pls ma let this be first and last. I am begging you in the name of Jesus. it we never happen again ma. and you are my last hope. God bless you and your family. thank you and have a wonderful wekkend...
Question? you followed daddy to the party, how was it?
Answer: parti ow, no shayo, no drink, troat just dry(this is after being given and downing in one go a half bottle of Hennessey)
Segilola, good morring madam said she left it to you. thank I am down step...
Good day ma, I am sorry for the great mistake I make yesterday in the working hour pls ma forgive and I' want you to forget and I am promise you that kind of thing it won happen again. pls ma let this be first and last. I am begging you in the name of Jesus. it we never happen again ma. and you are my last hope. God bless you and your family. thank you and have a wonderful wekkend...
Question? you followed daddy to the party, how was it?
Answer: parti ow, no shayo, no drink, troat just dry(this is after being given and downing in one go a half bottle of Hennessey)
Inspired by Pesh's monologues
Question: What's your name??
Pesh: Peshon
Flala let me cut the paytato into chicks...let we eat chicks and chicken
Let me on the generator...only haf kek petrol...it will do us till night.
you say let me cut onions, cutting tomato and cutting pepe, no tatashe...
what we are cooking today...there's only graning pepe no cutting pepe
Question: Is there mayonnaise
Pesh: I don gnaw...there's no mayonese..
Question: ahn ahn there's no mayonnaise...BAMA
Pesh: O there's Bama no mayonese...
Question: Is Ibrahim your boyfriend?
Pesh: Pls don ever never in the name of God call Ibrahim my boyfriend.
Why that gel come here? ok shis his gelfrend...(answer=NO)...ehn shis not his gelfrend...he not even want to frend ha...he just use and dump ha...eya...
Question: who is this boy?
Pesh: YOUR GUY
Pesh: Peshon
Flala let me cut the paytato into chicks...let we eat chicks and chicken
Let me on the generator...only haf kek petrol...it will do us till night.
you say let me cut onions, cutting tomato and cutting pepe, no tatashe...
what we are cooking today...there's only graning pepe no cutting pepe
Question: Is there mayonnaise
Pesh: I don gnaw...there's no mayonese..
Question: ahn ahn there's no mayonnaise...BAMA
Pesh: O there's Bama no mayonese...
Question: Is Ibrahim your boyfriend?
Pesh: Pls don ever never in the name of God call Ibrahim my boyfriend.
Why that gel come here? ok shis his gelfrend...(answer=NO)...ehn shis not his gelfrend...he not even want to frend ha...he just use and dump ha...eya...
Question: who is this boy?
Pesh: YOUR GUY
Monday, 8 June 2009
Credit Dialogue
Good afternoon I want to buy rechach cad
how mush?
too undred naira
i no get
fife undred
i no get
ahn ahn why now
na ikoyi we dey, na wan wan tausan I dey sell...
how mush?
too undred naira
i no get
fife undred
i no get
ahn ahn why now
na ikoyi we dey, na wan wan tausan I dey sell...
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
The Policeman dialogue...
Policeman: Can i see yor paticulas...wes yor insurance and veyicu lisense...ehen so if the stika ees on the ka...ehen...wear are you coming from, wear ar you going to...
Driver: home...church
Policeman: Ehen...so why are you driving dis car...whoos ka is it...
Driver: my dad...
Policeman: ehn you are drivin yor fadas ca why?...the nest time i see you drezzed like dese i wee arrest you...you can go...
Driver: home...church
Policeman: Ehen...so why are you driving dis car...whoos ka is it...
Driver: my dad...
Policeman: ehn you are drivin yor fadas ca why?...the nest time i see you drezzed like dese i wee arrest you...you can go...
The Lastma officials...various monologues...
The road-side official: EH YOU STOP DEIR...SHIFT...WHERE IS YOUR PATICOOLAS...WHEN YOU GET TO AWA OFFIZE YOU WE NO WOT YOU DO...LEZ GO...
Ah so bros, kini solushun nisi...mo ti so fun yin...if we rish awa offize mi le hebu yin mo...so make you tok suntin shap shap...e fe comply, wea sha...
A bros, mo ti so, offize la wa...owo Oga lo wa nisi...ok te ba duro ki Oga lo...a kan relate, a se one or two tins...
The Oga official: Yex, good evenin...waz goin on ere...so dese is a wan way offenze...may I see your paticoolers...are you a student...sho me yor identivicazion cad...you attend univasity ovasees...so why are you driving ere...we are tryin to betha awa roads and tranpot syztem ere and you com from ovas and distroy awa wok...ehen so whoze drivas lizenze is dese...ow do you get it...wer is yor fada?shud he not be ere to bay you out...awon omo isiyin...
Ah so bros, kini solushun nisi...mo ti so fun yin...if we rish awa offize mi le hebu yin mo...so make you tok suntin shap shap...e fe comply, wea sha...
A bros, mo ti so, offize la wa...owo Oga lo wa nisi...ok te ba duro ki Oga lo...a kan relate, a se one or two tins...
The Oga official: Yex, good evenin...waz goin on ere...so dese is a wan way offenze...may I see your paticoolers...are you a student...sho me yor identivicazion cad...you attend univasity ovasees...so why are you driving ere...we are tryin to betha awa roads and tranpot syztem ere and you com from ovas and distroy awa wok...ehen so whoze drivas lizenze is dese...ow do you get it...wer is yor fada?shud he not be ere to bay you out...awon omo isiyin...
Monday, 18 May 2009
The Vendor monologue...
paper galan galan...
Ah good afternnon costoma, which one...puch, guydian, disday,
i even get city pipu, emcomiom, oviation...
Na hondread naira...ah Oga a no get change...ah no take am, take am, may a run go look for change...
abeg sunday you get change for fife hondread...tenk you...
Ah good afternnon costoma, which one...puch, guydian, disday,
i even get city pipu, emcomiom, oviation...
Na hondread naira...ah Oga a no get change...ah no take am, take am, may a run go look for change...
abeg sunday you get change for fife hondread...tenk you...
The Mallam monologues...various incidents...
Ah, gwood aptanwoon...Madam she dwon cwamot since pipe days agwo...
Wetin you want make a tell am...
Owk, make a tell am say Aunty Baby cwome pwor house cwome check am...
Wetin you wan bwuy...Akin bwiscuit...A no get am pwor here...a get am cwoaster, cabin, sfeedy, digestibe...
Dambroba sege, a no pit ofen gate pwor you...i say Owga e no dey pwor house...
A no get am por Benson an Heges, a get San mworis, white london...
Make i fut am on por gyenarator...diesel she no dey...make a buy am diesel...
cwastoma, wetin you want twamatoes, anians, feffer, cwarrot, garlic, cwastoma, cwastoma a get am pwor hear...
Wetin you want make a tell am...
Owk, make a tell am say Aunty Baby cwome pwor house cwome check am...
Wetin you wan bwuy...Akin bwiscuit...A no get am pwor here...a get am cwoaster, cabin, sfeedy, digestibe...
Dambroba sege, a no pit ofen gate pwor you...i say Owga e no dey pwor house...
A no get am por Benson an Heges, a get San mworis, white london...
Make i fut am on por gyenarator...diesel she no dey...make a buy am diesel...
cwastoma, wetin you want twamatoes, anians, feffer, cwarrot, garlic, cwastoma, cwastoma a get am pwor hear...
The Bus conductor vs Receptionist...
Conductor: OBALENDE, BALENDE, BALENDE, WO LE, WO LE, WO, LE...KO LO...DRIVER KO LO SE...
Receptionist: Scuse me, Oga conductor, can I be given my change?
Conductor: ,MADAN, WAIT NOUN, YOU SEE SAY I DEY COLLET MONEY FOR PIPU HAN...KO JOKO JARE...
Receptionist: Please there is no need to showert at me...I just want my change and I want to get down...I am late for work as it is already...I am a receptionist and I have no time to drag words with a conductor...
Conductor: ABOLOSHI LE LEI NI, WO AUNTY, E DE FUN RA YIN BRAIN...KINI CONCAIN ME IF YOU ARE RECEPTIONIS...E KO SKIRT OSHI KURO NI WAJU MI JO...
Receptionist: WO, bobo yin, mo ti mello fun e tipe ni, e mi gan o gbadun...ma wo sket yen rara..ti office no yen..,wo ma da seria fun e...iwo bawo...emi o mo ajegunle tele...ti ba wo e...jo bamu mu change mi..ole..oloriburuku, bo se ma cheat eyan all the time le mo...wo daun mo ra ye gbo gbo shit e yin...
Receptionist: Scuse me, Oga conductor, can I be given my change?
Conductor: ,MADAN, WAIT NOUN, YOU SEE SAY I DEY COLLET MONEY FOR PIPU HAN...KO JOKO JARE...
Receptionist: Please there is no need to showert at me...I just want my change and I want to get down...I am late for work as it is already...I am a receptionist and I have no time to drag words with a conductor...
Conductor: ABOLOSHI LE LEI NI, WO AUNTY, E DE FUN RA YIN BRAIN...KINI CONCAIN ME IF YOU ARE RECEPTIONIS...E KO SKIRT OSHI KURO NI WAJU MI JO...
Receptionist: WO, bobo yin, mo ti mello fun e tipe ni, e mi gan o gbadun...ma wo sket yen rara..ti office no yen..,wo ma da seria fun e...iwo bawo...emi o mo ajegunle tele...ti ba wo e...jo bamu mu change mi..ole..oloriburuku, bo se ma cheat eyan all the time le mo...wo daun mo ra ye gbo gbo shit e yin...
The Clerk and his wife dialogue...
Clerk: Do you gnaw darlen, do you gnaw darlen, youare d onle wan I love wit my hat, I will tek a pikicho to represent a love...can a pikicho wok, O No, can a pikicho tok, O NO, can a pikicho do what my love has done for you...
Wife: Ahn what happened today that you are so happy?
Clerk: Ngozi, asamwa...I haf been promoted to Chief Clak in the office...meaning I am no longa just clak...I am now Chief...
Wife: Hei, chimo! Chineke, dalu...thank God o...hei I will tell everrbody in the market tomorrow that my husband, is now a chief...a whole title...hei...odimma...wondafu...hei..chief...
Clerk: Nwuye m, oya tek this wan touzan fife, use it to cook what is bayfitting for a whole Chief...
Wife: Ahn what happened today that you are so happy?
Clerk: Ngozi, asamwa...I haf been promoted to Chief Clak in the office...meaning I am no longa just clak...I am now Chief...
Wife: Hei, chimo! Chineke, dalu...thank God o...hei I will tell everrbody in the market tomorrow that my husband, is now a chief...a whole title...hei...odimma...wondafu...hei..chief...
Clerk: Nwuye m, oya tek this wan touzan fife, use it to cook what is bayfitting for a whole Chief...
Saturday, 16 May 2009
The Calabar Househelp sings...
Larling Yeezes, larlen Yeezes,
O ma larlen Yeezes, youare re wondaful Rord,
A rove you so o, my larlen Yeezes
O ma larlen Yeezes, youare re wondaful Rord...
Baebi, baebi, I rove you foreva
Baebi, Baebi, don eva sae neva,
baebi baebi, i wish on a wishbone,
beabi,baebi don reav me arone...
O ma larlen Yeezes, youare re wondaful Rord,
A rove you so o, my larlen Yeezes
O ma larlen Yeezes, youare re wondaful Rord...
Baebi, baebi, I rove you foreva
Baebi, Baebi, don eva sae neva,
baebi baebi, i wish on a wishbone,
beabi,baebi don reav me arone...
The tailor's daughter monologue...
Goood aftoonoon...My name is Murewa Ayodeji...My fada's name is Tailor Segun Ayodeji...my moda's name is Tawa Ayodeji...We come from Ilesha-remo in Osun state, Nigeria. i live in numba 22,Jankara street, Ojuelegba, Lagos, Nigeria. i af 5 brodas and sistas. i ham d tord born. i ham twef years haud. I attend *Ashake Memoria Sku, Surulere, Lagos, Nigeria... I attend Redeem Christian Church of God, Ojuelegba, Lagos, Nigeria.
Today I af come to ehm ehm play in amoosement pack, Apapa, Lagos, Nigeria. I ham afing fun jumping on the janglova...
Ehn I will like to take a shout-out to hevrybody, my parents, my mummy, my daddy, my siblings, my sistas Sope and Toyin, my brodas, broda Seun, broda Ade and our las bon Seyi, my frens in sku Funmi, Basirat, Ushe, and Linda...iya Ibeji, daddy mujib, and mummy tope...
I will like to dedicate d song from backstreet boice to evrybody...
Bai-bai...
Today I af come to ehm ehm play in amoosement pack, Apapa, Lagos, Nigeria. I ham afing fun jumping on the janglova...
Ehn I will like to take a shout-out to hevrybody, my parents, my mummy, my daddy, my siblings, my sistas Sope and Toyin, my brodas, broda Seun, broda Ade and our las bon Seyi, my frens in sku Funmi, Basirat, Ushe, and Linda...iya Ibeji, daddy mujib, and mummy tope...
I will like to dedicate d song from backstreet boice to evrybody...
Bai-bai...
Thursday, 14 May 2009
The Washman vs The Househelp... Dialogue
Washman: Barebay, you know wetin I want na...Omalichanwa...preeddy girl...When a clos my eyes na so so youare face nain a dey see...na trut..your love don drive me maad...ah my head dey scatta...nne make you tok sontin wey go maek me happy noun...
Househelp: heh, Cheezes, Chineke meh, washman you dey crase...How you fo see apple, for tree as short as you be so, you wan climb tree pick am...biko look for youare level...me Nneka like this, look at you, common washman when the carpenter, Ugo wey get shop nest street dey follo me around like dog...na washman I go follo...chei, God forbid...may it not be my portion in Cheezes name...
Washman: Chineke, you call me a whole entaprenor,common washman, i am a drycleaner, i run a laundromat...i be wan beta youare life ni...ahn ahn, see this girl o...a whole Chidi...ndiigbo wan of Arochu...
Househelp: Abeg shotop for deir, anofia, onyiara, you wan beta my life...na your mama,your sister,your aunty life go need washman bettaram...you dey crase...common getat of here, go wosh clot when dem give you,osiso...
Househelp: heh, Cheezes, Chineke meh, washman you dey crase...How you fo see apple, for tree as short as you be so, you wan climb tree pick am...biko look for youare level...me Nneka like this, look at you, common washman when the carpenter, Ugo wey get shop nest street dey follo me around like dog...na washman I go follo...chei, God forbid...may it not be my portion in Cheezes name...
Washman: Chineke, you call me a whole entaprenor,common washman, i am a drycleaner, i run a laundromat...i be wan beta youare life ni...ahn ahn, see this girl o...a whole Chidi...ndiigbo wan of Arochu...
Househelp: Abeg shotop for deir, anofia, onyiara, you wan beta my life...na your mama,your sister,your aunty life go need washman bettaram...you dey crase...common getat of here, go wosh clot when dem give you,osiso...
The talk-too-much-driver monologue
Ah Aunty Madam...fogerrit mehn...ba se ma n lo kiri around Lagos ni yen...Marketing iranu wo...Lano sebi marketing no Ikoyi lo ye ka lo se...Ba se fi office le..gbam...nail studio ni VI la lo...madam de she nails won a dey lo si ile woman kan...a ra irun...hair no teba gbo iye ta ra...marketing o le so wo yen...a kure ni be a dey lo barcelos..hmmmm i koko lo gbe aunty Shade ni Zenith Awolowo road, a wa lo si barcelos...arand 4pm ni yen o...a pada wa si office ni yen o because madam pe won so pe awon ni marketing meeting ni side Ajah yen...ajah bawo,a gbona lekki phase 1 lo, mo pak moto, madam de wonu le lo...
Lano ti madam pe to ni ah traffic bad laro yin but i'm on my way...won ti dide lori bed...last week a tie de ibise rara, madam get letter from her doctor friend pe awon was sick...sick bawo...won sere lo london...a madam won ma n travel gan...London today, Dubai tomorrow ni...bawa sen leaf live wa ni yen...
Lano ti madam pe to ni ah traffic bad laro yin but i'm on my way...won ti dide lori bed...last week a tie de ibise rara, madam get letter from her doctor friend pe awon was sick...sick bawo...won sere lo london...a madam won ma n travel gan...London today, Dubai tomorrow ni...bawa sen leaf live wa ni yen...
The Househelp that stole...monologue
Ah Mummy, I swear to God who made me, I did not aenta your bedroom, I aenta to sweep and make the bed but I no see the jewelrees wey dey inside wardrope...the tain wen i clean, i no efen opoon cupord,i just see the door opoon and i lock am back,i no efen tosh am...
Ah mummy, I ko confezz, na aunty Mercy te me sae make i brink the jewelrees wey you wear comot on friday...she sae she wan use am ko out quickly sae she ko kive me fife hundret naira...I con sae make she make am sefen fifty and i ko brink am later...but mae she use am sen am pack to me pecause i no wan mae madam know sae her jewelreed no dae for cupord...on last week, i kon ask...aunty mercy how fa the jewelrees na,madam ko soon ask...she con sae she kive am to armed ropper when dem stop her for road around bariga...
Ah mummy, I ko confezz, na aunty Mercy te me sae make i brink the jewelrees wey you wear comot on friday...she sae she wan use am ko out quickly sae she ko kive me fife hundret naira...I con sae make she make am sefen fifty and i ko brink am later...but mae she use am sen am pack to me pecause i no wan mae madam know sae her jewelreed no dae for cupord...on last week, i kon ask...aunty mercy how fa the jewelrees na,madam ko soon ask...she con sae she kive am to armed ropper when dem stop her for road around bariga...
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
The cool,young driver vs The competent,young househelp
Monday: Tawa, plis get me water
Tawa: Ahn ahn, mr monday se e mo ona kitchen abi tap ni. where did you see your housegirl?
Monday: ahn ahn abi ori e yi ni, you dey crase?ahn ahn ahn e ma wo gel yi sha. if i tear you slap, your eyes will see four thins togeda.idiot
Tawa: bro driver agbaya, slap me now slap me....were also, alai ni kan se...wo you didnt paid my salary so i cannot hansa when you tok to me...nonsense
Monday: ah if no be say ma papa die sebi i do js3,i would not haf been haguin hover common cold water wit you...
Madam: ahn tawa, monday what's all this shouting...kilo fari wo, ile baba yin le wa ni?
tawa,monday: e ma binu ma
Madam: what happened
Tawa: mummy, bro monday wo nu ile wa won de so pe kin fun awon ni omi...mo de so fun won strait wi pe i can't do it where did you put your housegirl...bin se so bai ni won ni awon ma gba mi leti...mo de ka wo leri, mo clap hands me mon wo...
Monday: ko le da fun oniro laye yin..mummy ewo...i hasd for water from her and she said where did i put housegirl...nonsense...o ti pe, for a long time now, i have been telling ar not to be talking to me like dat..just because i am a driver does not mean she should talk to me like a little small boy...d oda day ti mo n reverse pada seyin, she was standing dere waiting for me to beg ar to move from my back...mummy hep me to warn her...i will not take it lightly wit ar...pls...
Tawa: Ahn ahn, mr monday se e mo ona kitchen abi tap ni. where did you see your housegirl?
Monday: ahn ahn abi ori e yi ni, you dey crase?ahn ahn ahn e ma wo gel yi sha. if i tear you slap, your eyes will see four thins togeda.idiot
Tawa: bro driver agbaya, slap me now slap me....were also, alai ni kan se...wo you didnt paid my salary so i cannot hansa when you tok to me...nonsense
Monday: ah if no be say ma papa die sebi i do js3,i would not haf been haguin hover common cold water wit you...
Madam: ahn tawa, monday what's all this shouting...kilo fari wo, ile baba yin le wa ni?
tawa,monday: e ma binu ma
Madam: what happened
Tawa: mummy, bro monday wo nu ile wa won de so pe kin fun awon ni omi...mo de so fun won strait wi pe i can't do it where did you put your housegirl...bin se so bai ni won ni awon ma gba mi leti...mo de ka wo leri, mo clap hands me mon wo...
Monday: ko le da fun oniro laye yin..mummy ewo...i hasd for water from her and she said where did i put housegirl...nonsense...o ti pe, for a long time now, i have been telling ar not to be talking to me like dat..just because i am a driver does not mean she should talk to me like a little small boy...d oda day ti mo n reverse pada seyin, she was standing dere waiting for me to beg ar to move from my back...mummy hep me to warn her...i will not take it lightly wit ar...pls...
The Driver Monologues
Glory Glory, fine geh! So wa pa? Omo to dun!omo to sesy...ow you dey noun! I don co your gee-es-em many ha times buh you af no pick. I don mizz you gan o...your buttocks no dey roll commot in front of my highs again. So fictoria highland nain you dey noun...ahn ahn eyin len gbadun. I ear say da saeed na so so jeep jeep foo dere. Na tru dem tok...
Oga don efen buy nue car sef, masdis benz g wagon...i nefa drife am yet buh a tink say oga dey trafu go abrod so i go dey carry di car comot go wash am and evfytin...i fo come feehii dat kain time o!!!!!ah why i no tink am sinz...ok make we arrange tain wey we go see...a baby yi ani mo to mizz e gan...glory glory oloyon milk...oti dun ju...you are too sweet...mwah..walahi i fo marry you! Ahn ahn too sweet a girl...
Oga don efen buy nue car sef, masdis benz g wagon...i nefa drife am yet buh a tink say oga dey trafu go abrod so i go dey carry di car comot go wash am and evfytin...i fo come feehii dat kain time o!!!!!ah why i no tink am sinz...ok make we arrange tain wey we go see...a baby yi ani mo to mizz e gan...glory glory oloyon milk...oti dun ju...you are too sweet...mwah..walahi i fo marry you! Ahn ahn too sweet a girl...
The Househelp Monologues
Oga Felix,
How far na blessing?how you dey?shey body dey kampe?in dey for clot?we tenk baba God.
I bin for co or test sinz wey I leaf madam place comot but i no ket craydit...I don moofe go feegsee dey work wit one madam wey dey sell clot for arand that eekecha saeed...the madam nize past oga madam for ikoyi. i don even stat to dey go sku for arand our area... anyway I jus say make i sheck on you make we relate...i nefa fourket you o....oga felix...this na my number wey i use test you 08032245689,make you safe am,call me or test me ehn...
olright we go yan...
creet efrywan for me, mummy glory, amaka, oga gardener, baba gateman and chief sayquereeti.make you hep me creet Oludara and Ayokunmi...i don miss dem sha...dose shidren...ah...
How far na blessing?how you dey?shey body dey kampe?in dey for clot?we tenk baba God.
I bin for co or test sinz wey I leaf madam place comot but i no ket craydit...I don moofe go feegsee dey work wit one madam wey dey sell clot for arand that eekecha saeed...the madam nize past oga madam for ikoyi. i don even stat to dey go sku for arand our area... anyway I jus say make i sheck on you make we relate...i nefa fourket you o....oga felix...this na my number wey i use test you 08032245689,make you safe am,call me or test me ehn...
olright we go yan...
creet efrywan for me, mummy glory, amaka, oga gardener, baba gateman and chief sayquereeti.make you hep me creet Oludara and Ayokunmi...i don miss dem sha...dose shidren...ah...
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