The Policeman dialogue...

Policeman: Can i see yor paticulas...wes yor insurance and veyicu lisense...ehen so if the stika ees on the ka...ehen...wear are you coming from, wear ar you going to...

Driver: home...church

Policeman: Ehen...so why are you driving dis car...whoos ka is it...

Driver: my dad...

Policeman: ehn you are drivin yor fadas ca why?...the nest time i see you drezzed like dese i wee arrest you...you can go...

The Lastma officials...various monologues...

The road-side official: EH YOU STOP DEIR...SHIFT...WHERE IS YOUR PATICOOLAS...WHEN YOU GET TO AWA OFFIZE YOU WE NO WOT YOU DO...LEZ GO...

Ah so bros, kini solushun nisi...mo ti so fun yin...if we rish awa offize mi le hebu yin mo...so make you tok suntin shap shap...e fe comply, wea sha...

A bros, mo ti so, offize la wa...owo Oga lo wa nisi...ok te ba duro ki Oga lo...a kan relate, a se one or two tins...

The Oga official: Yex, good evenin...waz goin on ere...so dese is a wan way offenze...may I see your paticoolers...are you a student...sho me yor identivicazion cad...you attend univasity ovasees...so why are you driving ere...we are tryin to betha awa roads and tranpot syztem ere and you com from ovas and distroy awa wok...ehen so whoze drivas lizenze is dese...ow do you get it...wer is yor fada?shud he not be ere to bay you out...awon omo isiyin...

The Vendor monologue...

paper galan galan...

Ah good afternnon costoma, which one...puch, guydian, disday,

i even get city pipu, emcomiom, oviation...

Na hondread naira...ah Oga a no get change...ah no take am, take am, may a run go look for change...

abeg sunday you get change for fife hondread...tenk you...

The Mallam monologues...various incidents...

Ah, gwood aptanwoon...Madam she dwon cwamot since pipe days agwo...
Wetin you want make a tell am...

Owk, make a tell am say Aunty Baby cwome pwor house cwome check am...

Wetin you wan bwuy...Akin bwiscuit...A no get am pwor here...a get am cwoaster, cabin, sfeedy, digestibe...

Dambroba sege, a no pit ofen gate pwor you...i say Owga e no dey pwor house...

A no get am por Benson an Heges, a get San mworis, white london...

Make i fut am on por gyenarator...diesel she no dey...make a buy am diesel...

cwastoma, wetin you want twamatoes, anians, feffer, cwarrot, garlic, cwastoma, cwastoma a get am pwor hear...

The Bus conductor vs Receptionist...

Conductor: OBALENDE, BALENDE, BALENDE, WO LE, WO LE, WO, LE...KO LO...DRIVER KO LO SE...

Receptionist: Scuse me, Oga conductor, can I be given my change?

Conductor: ,MADAN, WAIT NOUN, YOU SEE SAY I DEY COLLET MONEY FOR PIPU HAN...KO JOKO JARE...

Receptionist: Please there is no need to showert at me...I just want my change and I want to get down...I am late for work as it is already...I am a receptionist and I have no time to drag words with a conductor...

Conductor: ABOLOSHI LE LEI NI, WO AUNTY, E DE FUN RA YIN BRAIN...KINI CONCAIN ME IF YOU ARE RECEPTIONIS...E KO SKIRT OSHI KURO NI WAJU MI JO...

Receptionist: WO, bobo yin, mo ti mello fun e tipe ni, e mi gan o gbadun...ma wo sket yen rara..ti office no yen..,wo ma da seria fun e...iwo bawo...emi o mo ajegunle tele...ti ba wo e...jo bamu mu change mi..ole..oloriburuku, bo se ma cheat eyan all the time le mo...wo daun mo ra ye gbo gbo shit e yin...

The Clerk and his wife dialogue...

Clerk: Do you gnaw darlen, do you gnaw darlen, youare d onle wan I love wit my hat, I will tek a pikicho to represent a love...can a pikicho wok, O No, can a pikicho tok, O NO, can a pikicho do what my love has done for you...

Wife: Ahn what happened today that you are so happy?

Clerk: Ngozi, asamwa...I haf been promoted to Chief Clak in the office...meaning I am no longa just clak...I am now Chief...

Wife: Hei, chimo! Chineke, dalu...thank God o...hei I will tell everrbody in the market tomorrow that my husband, is now a chief...a whole title...hei...odimma...wondafu...hei..chief...

Clerk: Nwuye m, oya tek this wan touzan fife, use it to cook what is bayfitting for a whole Chief...

The Calabar Househelp sings...

Larling Yeezes, larlen Yeezes,
O ma larlen Yeezes, youare re wondaful Rord,
A rove you so o, my larlen Yeezes
O ma larlen Yeezes, youare re wondaful Rord...

Baebi, baebi, I rove you foreva
Baebi, Baebi, don eva sae neva,
baebi baebi, i wish on a wishbone,
beabi,baebi don reav me arone...

The tailor's daughter monologue...

Goood aftoonoon...My name is Murewa Ayodeji...My fada's name is Tailor Segun Ayodeji...my moda's name is Tawa Ayodeji...We come from Ilesha-remo in Osun state, Nigeria. i live in numba 22,Jankara street, Ojuelegba, Lagos, Nigeria. i af 5 brodas and sistas. i ham d tord born. i ham twef years haud. I attend *Ashake Memoria Sku, Surulere, Lagos, Nigeria... I attend Redeem Christian Church of God, Ojuelegba, Lagos, Nigeria.

Today I af come to ehm ehm play in amoosement pack, Apapa, Lagos, Nigeria. I ham afing fun jumping on the janglova...

Ehn I will like to take a shout-out to hevrybody, my parents, my mummy, my daddy, my siblings, my sistas Sope and Toyin, my brodas, broda Seun, broda Ade and our las bon Seyi, my frens in sku Funmi, Basirat, Ushe, and Linda...iya Ibeji, daddy mujib, and mummy tope...

I will like to dedicate d song from backstreet boice to evrybody...

Bai-bai...

The Washman vs The Househelp... Dialogue

Washman: Barebay, you know wetin I want na...Omalichanwa...preeddy girl...When a clos my eyes na so so youare face nain a dey see...na trut..your love don drive me maad...ah my head dey scatta...nne make you tok sontin wey go maek me happy noun...

Househelp: heh, Cheezes, Chineke meh, washman you dey crase...How you fo see apple, for tree as short as you be so, you wan climb tree pick am...biko look for youare level...me Nneka like this, look at you, common washman when the carpenter, Ugo wey get shop nest street dey follo me around like dog...na washman I go follo...chei, God forbid...may it not be my portion in Cheezes name...

Washman: Chineke, you call me a whole entaprenor,common washman, i am a drycleaner, i run a laundromat...i be wan beta youare life ni...ahn ahn, see this girl o...a whole Chidi...ndiigbo wan of Arochu...

Househelp: Abeg shotop for deir, anofia, onyiara, you wan beta my life...na your mama,your sister,your aunty life go need washman bettaram...you dey crase...common getat of here, go wosh clot when dem give you,osiso...

The talk-too-much-driver monologue

Ah Aunty Madam...fogerrit mehn...ba se ma n lo kiri around Lagos ni yen...Marketing iranu wo...Lano sebi marketing no Ikoyi lo ye ka lo se...Ba se fi office le..gbam...nail studio ni VI la lo...madam de she nails won a dey lo si ile woman kan...a ra irun...hair no teba gbo iye ta ra...marketing o le so wo yen...a kure ni be a dey lo barcelos..hmmmm i koko lo gbe aunty Shade ni Zenith Awolowo road, a wa lo si barcelos...arand 4pm ni yen o...a pada wa si office ni yen o because madam pe won so pe awon ni marketing meeting ni side Ajah yen...ajah bawo,a gbona lekki phase 1 lo, mo pak moto, madam de wonu le lo...
Lano ti madam pe to ni ah traffic bad laro yin but i'm on my way...won ti dide lori bed...last week a tie de ibise rara, madam get letter from her doctor friend pe awon was sick...sick bawo...won sere lo london...a madam won ma n travel gan...London today, Dubai tomorrow ni...bawa sen leaf live wa ni yen...

The Househelp that stole...monologue

Ah Mummy, I swear to God who made me, I did not aenta your bedroom, I aenta to sweep and make the bed but I no see the jewelrees wey dey inside wardrope...the tain wen i clean, i no efen opoon cupord,i just see the door opoon and i lock am back,i no efen tosh am...
Ah mummy, I ko confezz, na aunty Mercy te me sae make i brink the jewelrees wey you wear comot on friday...she sae she wan use am ko out quickly sae she ko kive me fife hundret naira...I con sae make she make am sefen fifty and i ko brink am later...but mae she use am sen am pack to me pecause i no wan mae madam know sae her jewelreed no dae for cupord...on last week, i kon ask...aunty mercy how fa the jewelrees na,madam ko soon ask...she con sae she kive am to armed ropper when dem stop her for road around bariga...

The cool,young driver vs The competent,young househelp

Monday: Tawa, plis get me water
Tawa: Ahn ahn, mr monday se e mo ona kitchen abi tap ni. where did you see your housegirl?
Monday: ahn ahn abi ori e yi ni, you dey crase?ahn ahn ahn e ma wo gel yi sha. if i tear you slap, your eyes will see four thins togeda.idiot
Tawa: bro driver agbaya, slap me now slap me....were also, alai ni kan se...wo you didnt paid my salary so i cannot hansa when you tok to me...nonsense
Monday: ah if no be say ma papa die sebi i do js3,i would not haf been haguin hover common cold water wit you...

Madam: ahn tawa, monday what's all this shouting...kilo fari wo, ile baba yin le wa ni?

tawa,monday: e ma binu ma

Madam: what happened

Tawa: mummy, bro monday wo nu ile wa won de so pe kin fun awon ni omi...mo de so fun won strait wi pe i can't do it where did you put your housegirl...bin se so bai ni won ni awon ma gba mi leti...mo de ka wo leri, mo clap hands me mon wo...

Monday: ko le da fun oniro laye yin..mummy ewo...i hasd for water from her and she said where did i put housegirl...nonsense...o ti pe, for a long time now, i have been telling ar not to be talking to me like dat..just because i am a driver does not mean she should talk to me like a little small boy...d oda day ti mo n reverse pada seyin, she was standing dere waiting for me to beg ar to move from my back...mummy hep me to warn her...i will not take it lightly wit ar...pls...

The Driver Monologues

Glory Glory, fine geh! So wa pa? Omo to dun!omo to sesy...ow you dey noun! I don co your gee-es-em many ha times buh you af no pick. I don mizz you gan o...your buttocks no dey roll commot in front of my highs again. So fictoria highland nain you dey noun...ahn ahn eyin len gbadun. I ear say da saeed na so so jeep jeep foo dere. Na tru dem tok...
Oga don efen buy nue car sef, masdis benz g wagon...i nefa drife am yet buh a tink say oga dey trafu go abrod so i go dey carry di car comot go wash am and evfytin...i fo come feehii dat kain time o!!!!!ah why i no tink am sinz...ok make we arrange tain wey we go see...a baby yi ani mo to mizz e gan...glory glory oloyon milk...oti dun ju...you are too sweet...mwah..walahi i fo marry you! Ahn ahn too sweet a girl...

The Househelp Monologues

Oga Felix,

How far na blessing?how you dey?shey body dey kampe?in dey for clot?we tenk baba God.
I bin for co or test sinz wey I leaf madam place comot but i no ket craydit...I don moofe go feegsee dey work wit one madam wey dey sell clot for arand that eekecha saeed...the madam nize past oga madam for ikoyi. i don even stat to dey go sku for arand our area... anyway I jus say make i sheck on you make we relate...i nefa fourket you o....oga felix...this na my number wey i use test you 08032245689,make you safe am,call me or test me ehn...
olright we go yan...
creet efrywan for me, mummy glory, amaka, oga gardener, baba gateman and chief sayquereeti.make you hep me creet Oludara and Ayokunmi...i don miss dem sha...dose shidren...ah...